good morning everyone!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too!!
gonna try to draw today, so hopefully i'll have something to share :>

lost

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

lost

yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lol

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

lost

yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lol

I'm gonna roast you lil duck XD

Just kidding, why did you use NF? I don't like low acc pp but I farmed padoru A LOT so I'm not complaining.

Keep on the grind my friend!

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

lost

yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lol

I'm gonna roast you lil duck XD

Just kidding, why did you use NF? I don't like low acc pp but I farmed padoru A LOT so I'm not complaining.

Keep on the grind my friend!

um
uhh
how do I say this

I failed at some point in the map

and using NF is just funny icl LOL

Achromalia wrote: 5ev6p

i vaguely that i tended to fixate on "apathy" when i'd met you, you and some others-- i think i believed i really couldnt feel emotion with any meaningful depth, or something. which isn't true, but it does seem to be true that different senses were dulled, emotively and relationally and also physiologically

i wonder why my sense of smell sucks so bad. why i dont hold onto anything anymore. why there isn't much [determination] in this [soul] with which i could ever hope to [act]

im not quite sure how i have or haven't changed...

im not quite sure what i want to cherish and what i want to forget

in a sense, these memories are to be both cherished And forgotten

i want to disown them, or maybe just a part of me wants to... but the remainder holds on, adoring what it meant to others and what it mustve meant to me at the time... not that i can really speak for a past self i barely

I do this as well. I’m curious how the theme of apathy was brought up, whether it was primarily through me or you or maybe a combination of us both. Conversations are a two way street, a song and dance in a sense. So maybe it was built up naturally between us two conversing about our emotions at the time, each inspiring the other to think deeper about certain themes we would otherwise not inherently speak of.

Typically, we as humans connect with others based on things that we are able to relate with each other on. We were probably going through similar mental journeys and naturally shared some of our common shared experiences together, which happened to be the broad theme of apathy and empathy.

Apathy, empathy and sympathy were all concepts that I was trying to “solve” / understand in my life at the time. I think it revolved around one of my biggest issues at the time, which I failed to comprehend often. Expressing myself and feeling understood, or in a lot of cases back then, MISunderstood.

My memory of my past self will never be fully intact, but I'm tempted to say that my apathetic mindset at the time was pretty directly related to my depression. The more depressed I got, the harder it was to relate, empathize, and connect with people. The more it made me tear away from my friends, family, and society. I was uncomfortable and scared of how I was feeling, so I started down the dangerous path of self-isolation and reclusiveness. At the time though, I didn’t understand how all of my emotions and all of my isolating behaviors affected each other.

It’s all fuel for the flame. A terrible, terrible cycle. Depression made me isolate. Isolation made me depressed. Being more depressed made me isolate even more. I didn’t have the awareness at the time to catch myself in the cycle and lift myself out of it.

I’m tempted to go back and reread our discussions we had about “apathy” all those years ago, and I probably will, but once I have the time and energy to do so. For now, I am too exhausted. Exhausted in a good way.

I hope you can potentially gain a better understanding of your own situation through reading and relating your experiences to my own. I think it’s very healthy to express, connect, and relate with others, so that you are given a sense of not feeling alone and not feeling isolated in your emotions. I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but hopefully my thoughts can inspires something.


Side tangent - I always had a similar issue with a poor sense of smell. After moving away from my home to an entirely new environment, I noticed a better sense of smell. I think my lack of smell stemmed from the fact that I was fairly sedentary with what I did and what I interacted with, so I just got used to the same things. The more you smell something, the less potent it smells. You get used to things.

Moving to Texas made my sense of smell better because I was experiencing brand new smells. Now, coming back to California after a few years, I feel like I can smell all these familiar smells again and stronger than ever because I have been away for so long. I took a tolerance break from everything.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you experience the same things over and over again, you gain a tolerance to said things. Also, I think depression is known to dull certain senses as well.

wow, lostie got a lot of points.

Loose

not enough time, not enough will

nhnhghfgdhfgh

hhi

no time, no will

no way

big rock

i turned notifications back on

gonna sleep now,, will see you all tomorrow!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say good night too! <3

hhi

Gn

m

3

m

good morning everyone! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too <3
hopefully i can draw something today... but if not, that's okay :>

...memory loss...?

oo

lostsilver wrote: q37e

good morning everyone! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too <3
hopefully i can draw something today... but if not, that's okay :>

hello there!

ravenous hunger

i miss tofu guy....

58 minute bump

deep sleep, fleeting dream

i met some really interesting knowledgeable people there that i seemed to be at least mostly normal with, i really wish living with myself was a little more like that

i think that dream drew from some made-up amalgamation of cultural knowledge to inform me of who people were. conversations felt real in a sense, if a bit messy and malformed by the sheer speed of narrative drift

if only...

E

G

I was sitting on my leg without realizing it and when I stood up I almost fell because I couldn't feel my leg anymore.

hi

E

gonna sleep now,, will see you all tomorrow!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say good night too <3

...

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

Inebriation

[ * you were used up. ]
[ * you were used up. ]
[ * you were used up. ]
[ * you were used up. ]

sun

good morning everyone!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too!!
gonna try to draw today, so hopefully i'll have something to share :)

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

Holy fuck bro I’m still spinning

What

fentanyl

Lick

(attempting to) do math right now

come follow me into the Daaark,
with your Heaaart as the Ark 
which shall Shine You the Wayyyyy...

because i'm With You in the Daaark,
with your Hеaaart as my Mark 
which shall Guide You The Wayyyyy (Through The Wavеsssss)...

gonna sleep now,, will see you all tomorrow!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say good night too!! <3

［ 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰. ］

follow me

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

lost

yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lol

I'm gonna roast you lil duck XD

Just kidding, why did you use NF? I don't like low acc pp but I farmed padoru A LOT so I'm not complaining.

Keep on the grind my friend!

um
uhh
how do I say this

I failed at some point in the map

and using NF is just funny icl LOL

117pp while failing in the map? This CSR is nuts

［ * now, what d'ya think? where do we go? no wrong answer... ］

［ * "nowhere" ］

Multichromalia

good morning everyone!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too!
hopefully i can draw today lol ;v;

foundsilver

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

lost

yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lol

I'm gonna roast you lil duck XD

Just kidding, why did you use NF? I don't like low acc pp but I farmed padoru A LOT so I'm not complaining.

Keep on the grind my friend!

um
uhh
how do I say this

I failed at some point in the map

and using NF is just funny icl LOL

117pp while failing in the map? This CSR is nuts

I love PP rework <3

god i want jalapeno-flavoured crisps so badly rn i can almost taste them

synthwavesquid wrote: 2x1h6z

god i want jalapeno-flavoured crisps so badly rn i can almost taste them

sounds bri'ish

LA baby

Farfocele wrote: e575n

synthwavesquid wrote: 2x1h6z

god i want jalapeno-flavoured crisps so badly rn i can almost taste them

sounds bri'ish

but they're tasty (ergo not british)

HA HA HA ... THIS POWER IS

FREEDOM.

I WON'T HAVE TO BE JUST A PUPPET ANY MORE!!!!

...

OR... so... I... thought.

WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? WHY AM I NOT [BIG] ENOUGH!? It's still DARK... SO DARK!

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

Day 9 has been a beautiful and culturally enriching day. I love life.

penguins love laughing in life

lets all love life
lets all love life
lets all love life
lets all love life

Live laugh love yall.

= dodge (1).
= taunt.
= dust: add a "dream" to your hand.

Getting sleepy

i wish to be observed to an almost sickeningly voyeuristic extent

i wish to observe people's experiences/pleasures/perspectives to a sickeningly voyeuristic extent, while not being a person myself

IAMACROBA wrote: 454bv

i wish to be observed to an almost sickeningly voyeuristic extent

hello i am your optometrist today :) so i hear youre having problems with eye pressure?

i see... in that case, i think i'll be interested in taking note of some iop readings during your exam. in the meanwhile, let's sit here for now while i prepare. let me know if there's anything i can do to help you feel comfortable or if you have any other concerns ^-^

gonna sleep now,, will see you all tomorrow!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say good night too <3

I don’t .

Where was I?

Who am I?

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

LucaJ197 219

lake ;v;

ergh i just want a slice of life of those two happy...

Chromalia

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

[mirror]198 319acuLJ ih[/mirror]

Achromalia wrote: 5ev6p

i wish to observe people's experiences/pleasures/perspectives to a sickeningly voyeuristic extent, while not being a person myself

IAMACROBA wrote: 454bv

i wish to be observed to an almost sickeningly voyeuristic extent

hello i am your optometrist today :) so i hear youre having problems with eye pressure?

i see... in that case, i think i'll be interested in taking note of some iop readings during your exam. in the meanwhile, let's sit here for now while i prepare. let me know if there's anything i can do to help you feel comfortable or if you have any other concerns ^-^

[nervous and excited squawking]

CIOIFIWJRPPQPIKVNSNWVFOXBWIVC

I am a Cobra

Osudroid96 wrote: 272k2c

I am a Cobra

did you leave the OT team lol

Yes I did, Neko guy for now

meow

good morning everyone!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too <3
hopefully i can draw something today...

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

Brotha

g

g

g

dithering...

Achromalia wrote: 5ev6p

dithering...

dillying and dallying and ultimately waiting for someone to inject my bones with molten metal

gonna sleep now,, will see you all tomorrow!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say good night too! <3

ah

cynicism arrives again

i love the horror story that is humanity

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

Achromalia wrote: 5ev6p

ah

cynicism arrives again

i love the horror story that is humanity

i hate when i'm being over cynical. I've noticed that I am usually super cynical whenever I'm in a bad mood for whatever reason. Once I notice that, I try to fix whatever is putting me in a bad mood. but it's hard a lot of the times to know why im in a bad mood. Usually as to do with a lack of sleep or a lack of connection. Once I know why im in a bd mood, i can usually fix it.

anyways, idk im tired. no brain power left

im finally home from my vacation

funny to say that I'm "home", when I was just visiting my original "home"

do I have two homes, or is my new home my main home? idk it's relative

everything is relative pogchamp

tired

good night

Pencilguin

ah

points

Penguin wrote: 2n5p3w

Achromalia wrote: 5ev6p

ah

cynicism arrives again

i love the horror story that is humanity

i hate when i'm being over cynical. I've noticed that I am usually super cynical whenever I'm in a bad mood for whatever reason. Once I notice that, I try to fix whatever is putting me in a bad mood. but it's hard a lot of the times to know why im in a bad mood. Usually as to do with a lack of sleep or a lack of connection. Once I know why im in a bd mood, i can usually fix it.

anyways, idk im tired. no brain power left

i suppose many of these could be true for me, but its also probably not exhaustively applicable

that and many of the fundamental things i dread are fundamentally "unfixable", although i do imagine many people might find that exaggerative or be sympathetically inclined to note that many things can appear that way but ultimately be remedied with time. i dont agree in these particular cases but i also sympathize

that and its kinda hard to say anyway since i tend to like being intentionally vague

Macromalia

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

JLuca913 891 wrote: 2l146t

hi

hi

hi

hi

hi

referee_gang

mweh