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osu! Academy Doki Doki Adventures: My Dick, Your Beats! 1td1m

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Topic Starter
Bweh
PART TWO INCOMING, YOU KNOW THE DRILL

INTRODUCTION
YOU ARE NOBODY. YOU ARE BUT A HUSK; A SHELL; A BLANK. BLAND, UNINTERESTING, UNAPPEALING. YOUR LIFE TO THIS VERY POINT HAS BEEN AIMLESS AND MEANINGLESS. YOU'VE SPENT WHITTLING AWAY COUNTLESS HOURS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, WATCHING TELEVISION, GORGING YOURSELF ON SWEETS, AND SLEEPING. NOBODY RECOGNIZES YOU BEHIND YOUR NAME.

YOU ARE NOBODY.

BUT THAT CHANGES TODAY.

Your name is Shirou Marinkovich, a completely bland and pathetic main character. Dark hair, slim figure, half-Asian, small dick, half something else... You're nobody! Of course, even a person like you must have had a beginning; a story. And it's a good one! Assuming you don't fuck up!

This is the start of your life at a circle-clicking academy for people looking to look into the art of rhythm and your amazing, heart-pounding adventures as you desperately try to score with anything, be it a warm and breathing cute girl, an actual beatmap, or a dead goat.

"Hueauhg...."

You're in a world of darkness. You can't see a single thing, but you can hear the faint sound of beats.

"What is this?", you ask yourself. You focus on the beats, but unpleasantly discover they're all over the place—they're not following a rhythm at all. You furrow your brow in frustration, trying to fix the rhythm.

But you can't find it.

You sink further into the darkness of this vague imagery as your consciousness fades.


CG
Voice | BGM

"Heargh..."

"Hey, I think he's coming to!"

"Woah, seriously?"

"About goddamn time."

"Away from the patient."

You awaken in the nurse's office. Seeing the distinguished white-washed and sterile environment, you vividly the few times you've been here. You turn your head to find Doctor West and half of your classmates standing behind him. The sight of it makes you feel just a little bit better about yourself, though you realize how small this office is seeing everyone cramped in here.

"Marinkovich, you awake?" Doctor West flashes a—what the Australians would call—torch over your head.

"Hngh..."

"That's a bad symptom." The Doc pulls out a needle and stabs you in the leg with it. No seriously, it's just a sewing needle.

"AUGH, SON OF A BITCH"

"There we go."

"Oh. Doc, what happened?" You finally come to.

"Some students from the... Beatpony Club found you collapsed on the ground..." Doc West looks to the side, regretting the words that just came out of his mouth. "You've only been out for a few hours though."

"I... I see." You turn your head to the ceiling.

"There were traces of saliva on your mouth as well." You turn your head back in response, feeling your heart flutter for a moment. "Looks like the worst happened to you."

"Oh, that's right! This girl just k-kissed me and all my strength faded away!"

You hear some students start whispering amongst themselves, though there's a curtain and a black nurse in the way so you can't tell who's there.

"Yeah, I thought so." Doctor West furrows his brow.

"What does this mean? Will I die if I score or something? Do I have arrhythmia?"

"No. You just decided to get to first base with the wrong girl, that's all."

"H-Huh?"

"This isn't the job for a doctor, I'm afraid. You'll need to consult someone else."

The Doc retreats to the back of his office as the rest of your classmates flood towards you. Seems like you'll need to talk to Jesse about this later.

All of your classmates are surrounding you, asking you all sorts of questions. Most of them, anyway. You don't have anything to do right now, and you don't have the energy to do something even if you needed to.

You spot familiar faces in the crowd, like Elie's just looking at you with some care; Blanca and Karen are frantically worrying over you, which is strange for the latter considering what happened last time you saw her; Xu's just adjusting his glasses like a contemptuous asshole; and Kamikita's trying to show you some picture on his phone with Japanese animes in it.

Sleeping would be nice right now, but these guys seem desperate.

[] Talk to Elie
[] Talk to Blanca
[] Talk to Kamikita
[] Talk to Xu
[] Talk to Karen
Tanzklaue
i think elie is the most competent regarding rhythm and shit, but blanca is our OTP, so talk to blanca.
Trash Boat
talk to Bianca Blanca
Vuelo Eluko
Karen of course :idea:
Zeraph
talk to elysion lets make her our OTP since blanca is a crazy bitch
Ceph23
Elie seems to be genuinely concerned. Let's talk to her.
kouzuki_karen
karen
Shellghost
Elie.
Jinxy
Elie. If she's that good, she has to know something about what happened, maybe someone tried that shit on her and she doesn't swing that way or something
ColdTooth
Ellie seems okay, so I'll approach her
hufuhufu
Talk to Elie
Trash Boat
wow i thought this thread was locked and wastelanded because of the title
Chamelo
No, because Brian OA

Talk to Elie, I guess.
Kanye West
Damn you bandwagoners.

Talk to the crazy bitch Blanca yeahhhhh
Topic Starter
Bweh
You turn your attention away from the people genuinely concerned about your well being.

CG
You find Elie standing up against your bed, her hands on the stiff mattress.


Her small figure stands out from the rest of the crowd. She almost resembles a lost child, though her indifferent expression shows probably more maturity than anybody around her. For some reason she's wearing a black version of the school uniform.

"Hey Elie."

"Hi."

Your greetings are about as short as she is. The two of you talk through the chatter in the cramped office.

"What's with the uniform?", you ask.

"We use these in case of a funeral."

"W-What?"

"I must have misheard the announcement when I put it on."

You can't decide whether she misheard that willingly or not.

"That aside, you don't look so good, Shirou."

"I don't feel so well, honestly."

"No, I mean you look completely different than usual." Elie comments as she hands you a mirror.

"Wow, I sure as hell didn't see that coming." That'll have to go in the pile of unanswered questions.

"Still, I'm surprised you're still alive."

"Huh? Do you know about what happened to me?"

"Sort of."

"Mind telling me?"

"Not here." Elie looks towards the rest of the crowd. "Tomorrow is off, so we can talk then if you want."

"Where", you ask. Elie shrugs in response.

"Come to the girl's dorm, I guess."

"W—"

You're cut off by the door slamming open, alerting the rest of the students inside.

"Okay, get the hell out of my office. I don't even know why I left you people in here in the first place." The Doc announces it's time for everyone to go and you to rest.

The crowd leaves muttering things such as "I only came here because teacher said I'd get bonus points", "Get well Shirou", and "Damn niggers ruing everything." Your friends leave as well, wishing you the best.

Mostly.

"I'll talk to you later then", you say as Elie leaves. She nods in response.



You wake up the next day in the nurse's office. You slowly get out of bed and change into a change of clothes one of your classmates provided, thankfully. You confirm the time by looking at a clock using weed leaves as hands.

"9:00 AM huh."

It's Saturday and you've got plenty of free time to screw around, it seems. You suppose consulting Jesse and Elie can wait, since the day's just begun.

You look around as you slip on your shirt. Nobody's in the office.

You've never wandered around campus on a day off, so you have no idea what to expect. Vaguely. Well, there'll always be something to do here, you assume.

[] Homeroom
[] Gym
[] Nurse's Office
[] Girl's Dorm
[] Hallways
[] Faculty Office
Deleted_4041880
Girl's Dorm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Trash Boat
we deserve to know what happened to him, and quickly. go to Girl's dorm but be careful
Jinxy
The last time we privately met someone is exactly how we got into this shit

While we have to find out what happened eventually, go to Faculty Office first, I assume that's where Jesse is
Zeraph
come on and slam
Chamelo
Homeroom FTW. (I guess we'll meet everybody there.)
Ceph23
Girl's dorm
Well she give an invitation. Might as well.
Kanye West

Zeraph wrote: 6m5t1q

come on and slam
Tanzklaue
we gonna go all kinds of space jam on this
Sheepsticks
Faculty Office makes for a believable story...
Lokovodo
Girls dorm because i want our MC to get a kawaii makeover
Topic Starter
Bweh
We're going to the girl's dorm anyway so...


You decide to walk outside for a moment and take in some fresh air. The smell of antiseptic and marijuana is still lingering in your nostrils, but the sun still greets you as warmly as it has every morning.

"HELLO SHIROU"

"Fuck off, Sun, not now."

You proceed to stretch as the Sun lets a lonely tear run down his cheek, causing a massive sunspot that could only lead to fatal global cooling. But that's not your problem.

"Okay, I was going to do something today..." You try jogging your memory. "Jogging... Exercise... Bouncing... Blanca... Gym... GYM!"

You start jogging towards the gym, noting the almost desolate atmosphere. Most students would probably be doing club things or going downtown. Or just sleeping in. Not you, though, you got to do that all day yesterday.

You try the side entrance to the gym to find it unlocked. You open the door and immediately get on the floor because you just heard the sound of a basketball bouncing off the laminated floor. You peek into the court. It's fully lit, though there's only one person using it.

Unfortunately, it's not the person you were looking for. It's... Kamikita. What's a side character doing here?

"Yo." You say as you get up and wave at your classmate.

"Oh, hey Shirou. What are you doing here?"

An innocent question you can only answer while holding back your bitter disappointment. Why did you get up and greet him you fool

"I come here often."

"I wouldn't have guessed... Are you feeling better?"

"For the most part."

"That's good. So, you like basketball?" Your classmate keeps inquiring as he spins the ball on this fingertips.

"I uh, like the balls."

"Uh-huh..." Before an awkward silence can fill in, Kamikita asks one last question: "Want to play a little one-on-one?"

Since there is no better choice at the moment that would validate your visit to the gym, you agree. Maybe this'll be a worthwhile jam anyway.



| Voice |

"Goddamn..." You heave out. In the last two minutes you have realized that Kamikita is a god at this sport. You've done absolutely everything in your power to stop him from performing a single play, but it's like you're nothing to him—he moves completely unhindered and gracefully, like a goddamn gazelle. He's harder to follow than a note under the middle of a slider in Hidden.

While gathering your thoughts, Kamkita has already slid past you and taken a shot at the hoop.

"FUCK"

And missed.

"YEAH"

You snatch the ball in midair and try for a shot yourself using the strength of your forefathers.

"YEAH"

And bounced it off the rim and into the girl's bathroom on one of the adjacent sides of the court.

"FUCK"

"Well, better go get it", your opponent comments.

You already know what'll happen to you if you don't watch yourself around the Polish girl's turf.

"No, I refuse!"

"Huh, why? There's nobody around here except us."

"How would you know that?"

"I've been playing here for the past hour, man."

"Ugh..."


[] Trust your friend, fetch the ball
[] Trust your instincts, tell him to go fondle himself
Sethlied
fetch ball
Kanye West
Trust your instincts.
Granger
Trust your friend, fetch the ball and fondle him afterwards.
Trash Boat
fetch the ball
AutoMedic
Fetch the ball

I'll play the good guy role
Tanzklaue
trust your instincts
hufuhufu
fetch the ball
Birdy
Fetch et.
Topic Starter
Bweh
"Well, if you say there's nobody around, I guess there's nothing to worry about." You dispel your worries and take comfort in a newfound trust with Kamikita.

"Thanks." He probably feels the same way.

Well, with that out of the way, you start trotting towards the girl's bathroom. Your footsteps on the wooden floor resound throughout the entire gym, reminding you that it's really empty, like it's always been—actually that always struck you as odd. Even when you were here with Blanca it was always just her, occasionally the coach, and you. You've never even had class here.

You ponder all this as you approach the girl's bathroom, which is only using some snaking hallway bullshit instead of a proper door. You give it no mind—if there was someone in the bathroom they'd had to have been there for an entire hour. You go inside and open up to a wall in your face and a tall ceiling, probably to give a sense of spaciousness. You walk around the snaking hallway and—

You find the ball.

You double check around the place to find nobody there. Just an empty bathroom.

You sigh in relief and turn to head outside. Guess there was nothing to fear.

"What did I tell ya?"

"Shut it, I've got good reasons."

The two of you continue playing basketball. Well, you get your ass handed to you but you feel like you learned a lot just from playing with the guy.

[Kamikita +1]


A shower and two hours later, you're back outside. You start walking to the other end of campus, where the girl's dorm stands. The area seems a lot livelier now that time has ed, as you can see groups of people wandering around campus, getting things to eat or whatever kids do these days. You make it to the dorm unhindered.

It's a large, bracket shaped building with four floors and a flowery courtyard. Large trees surround it, casting much appreciated shade around the area. You walk inside the main entrance—

"SHIROU!!"

"Shit, what—oh." You turn around to find your goddamn class rep, Karen.

"Get off my case, dammit."

"I wouldn't have expected you to set foot here on your first weekend, much less after being hospitalized."

"It's not like that," you pause for a moment, "otherwise I'd be making use of the trees outside."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just here to see Elie."

"I can't afford to trust that you'd behave, especially around here."

"Come on, if I were up to no good, would I really go through the enemy's front gate?"

"It's been done before as far back as the Trojan Horse." Karen cycles around you until she stands between the rest of the building and your meager self.

"That's a good point. Well, what would it take for you to trust me?"

"That—That's a good question." Karen starts to think.


And so do you, because there's no way you're doing any more effort than what you're doing right now. You immediately start focusing all your energy into your arm. As you charge up, Karen starts talking.

"I suppose I just don't know you well enough, especially with that stunt you pulled on the roof... You're odd, but if I could get acquainted with you..."

"NO"

You shout as you cock your head backwards and point your finger at a wall behind your opponent.

"What?"

Energy swells out of your body and manifests itself into...

"STAR PLATINUM"

Your Stand materializes and gushes out towards the dorm lobby, sketching out the image of Karen's underwear you imprinted in your mind in your first encounter. Star Platinum finishes within two seconds, rendering a perfect image of intricate, black laced goodness wrapped around smooth white skin, all under the protection of a plain skirt.

"W-What is this?!"

"See ya!"

You sprint past Karen, flipping her off before disappearing past the hallway and into Elie's room.


"Yeah, it'd be cool if I could do that." You finish your silly daydream.

"So you agree?"

"Huh, what?"

"Alright, I'll let you off for today, but we'll meet up tomorrow at the bus station, alright?"

"Uh, huh?"

"Great! I'll see you then!"

Karen walks off towards campus with a smile on her face.

You're not sure what the hell just happened, but you curse yourself for not paying attention in the only time you get out of school.


Well, you have no idea where Elie's room is, but you have a few ideas for figuring that out.

You sit down in the lobby and let your options materialize in the horrible ooze of your mind.


[] Knock on someone's door and ask for directions
[] Wander around the building aimlessly
[] Pull the fire alarm
[] Put on a fake mustache and go door to door pretending to be a Christian missionary
Granger
Knock on someone's door and ask for directions to find the fire alarm button with a moustace.
Kanye West
Missionary
AutoMedic
Put on a fake mustache and ask around for the lulz of it
Trash Boat
wander aimlessly
Tanzklaue
pull the fire alarm.

it will set sprinklers off.

i will let your imagination handle the rest.
Birdy
Fire alarm.
Topic Starter
Bweh
You pull out your wallet and open the secret compartment. You pull out a Charlie Chaplin 'stache just as the ancients would've liked. Too bad one guy had to ruin it for everybody else.

You place the mustache under your nose, pressing it for a while so the worn out adhesive adheres onto your face.

"Pimpin'."

You check yourself out with a nearby window, confirming that you look like a complete goon. And you like goons.

"Alright, on to business!"

You alert a girll standing in the hallway you just turned to. Her startled expression shifts to one of bewilderment as she notices the mustache. She's probably your junior, though you couldn't care less. You it she does look nice in pajamas as your manhood begins poking againnst pants, but now's not the time for that.

Unfortunately she starts following you as you stride past her.

"C-Can I help you?"

Shit, your plan will be ruined if you don't do something. If you get caught with a stiffy around here you'll get kicked out for sure!

Think, man THINK!

...

You sigh, and decide to roll with it.

"Yeah, you can give me a hand with something." You blurt out.

"What's that?"

You walk up to a door on the other end of the hallway numbered "101." There's an emergency exit just a little further down the corridor. As far as you're concerned, there's only two ways to go from here—back to the main lobby, or through the fire exit.

You've already won this encounter.

As a result, your boner grows, managing to expand out of your underpants and up against your knee, but still inconspicously hidden by your thankfully-long pants.

"You can give me a hand with a job." You say while grinning deviously.

"Huh?"

You walk up to the girl viciously, backing her up against the wall. You place your hand on the wall behind her, blocking her route of escape towards the main lobby. You bring your face close up to hers.

"W-What are you—" You can hear the fear in her voice.

"Be quiet."

You thrust your arm into your boxers. Your boner is already poking your left sock and ready to tear through your tros at any moment.

"H-H-H-Huh?!"

"Would you..."

"Haah, what are you d-doing?!"

You try to keep your boner under control.

"Would you like to..."

The girl's breathing starts getting heavier as she tries to hold back her screams.

"W-W-What?"

You use your busy arm to adjust your boxers for a moment.

"

YOU PULL OUT DOZENS OF BROCHURES LABELED WITH ASSORTEDRELIGIOUS PROPAGANDA OUT OF YOUR PANTS

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR OF THE HEALING POWER OF JESUS CHRIST?!" You shout as you throw the brochures at her face. "LOOK, THIS ONE HAS JESUS ON IT."

"KYAAAAAH, NOOOO!!! IT BURNS!!" The girl breaks into a screeching sprint, taking her only route of escape available—the emergency exit.

You pull off your mustache as your erection rips your left pants leg lengthwise and smile with the deviousness of a thousand jews.





Just according to keikaku


The girl runs through the emergency exit, setting off the blaring alarm system. In that instant, you take the chance to pull the fire alarm next to the exit, immediately setting off the sprinklers. The next minute you're soaked, and you assume the same's happened to everybody in the building as well. The gush of water immediately eases your erection.

Given the situation, you're probably the only person to be happy that he's wet.

With water, you mean.

You walk out the emergency exit nonchalantly as the sound of sirens and sprinklers are shut with the door behind you.


As you hear the sound of shrieking and nagging, as expected, you walk outside putting on your best victim face. You'll get off this scot-free—

!!

What?!

You find more women than the eye can see, of all sizes, shapes, and tastes, but there was one thing you didn't see coming... The water has caused all of their underwear or lack thereof to bleed through their thin, casual clothing.

"Shitshitshitshitshit"

You immediately adjust your newfound stiffy onto your right side.

"Shirou."

"Huh?"

You look down to find Elie tugging at your tro's torn ends.

"Oh, hi Elie."

She's absolutely soaked, though the angle isn't letting you appreciate her body's fleeting charms.

"Did you do this."

You put on your VICTIM VOICE.

"no"

"Okay."

"Wait, is that it?'

"I really don't care if you did or not—I needed to get up anyway."

"Er, okay..."

Guess the trial isn't due today.



BREAK TIME


I guess you can vote on the next set of options.
Sure
Well, she said you can get anything, might as well pick what tickles your fancy

[] Get some more fake mustaches
[] Get some life-sized chocolate-covered Hocky hockey breasticks
[] Get some weed
[] Get a gun
Granger
Get some weed obviously.
Corin
The breadsticks clearly.
AutoMedic
Get a gun
Trash Boat
a gun
Tanzklaue
breadstick.

then proceed the main story.
Sheepsticks
Breadsticks. :)
hufuhufu
get a gun and some weed
Topic Starter
Bweh
Elie guides you past the group of disgruntled yet fine girls and back into the dorm.

"Huh? We're going back in?" You state the obvious.

"We're already wet and awake." Elie replies nonchalantly.

Both of you walk through the hallways and stairways naturally, not minding the monotonous yet blaring sirens or the whizzing sprinklers. You suppose she's right—your hair's ruined, and because of that you've got nothing else to lose. The cold water also pops your stiffy down.

"We're here." Elie stops in front of a room tagged as 222.

"Neat."

Whoa wait a sec.

Your heartbeat rises.

You're about to walk into a girl's room! You haven't done this ever since you walked in on the handyman doing your mom a favor in her room.

"Man, Pedro was a bro." You recall the distant memory out loud. You try to look up as you how he killed all those termites but water keeps getting in your eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Elie says as she flips through her keys.

"Ah, it's nothing."

Anyway, that's right! This is a big step for you—sexual harassment and rape are one thing, but this... This means you won't have to deal with the law!

Though you suppose it's not as entertaining. Oh well.

"Well, come in. No sprinklers here."

"Oh t-thanks." You suppress your inner beta and walk in.

!

Her room, it's...!

"Pretty plain, as you can see."

A simple rectangular room, not too different from yours. One window, a closet, a bed, whitewashed walls... The only thing worth noting is her messy work desk, but that's just full of school work and other boring things. A plain room indeed.

BUT WAIT

"No it's not!" You see through her tricks.

"Huh?" Elie tilts her head.

"Because you see", you bellow, "you have hidden your secrets in plain sight!"

"...What are you doing."

You thrust your arm through the wallpaper and rip it off, revealing absolutely nothing.

"..."

"..."

"..."

You immediately shift away from the wall and sit on one of the available chairs in the perfectly normal room.

"Okay." Elie pulls out a towel from a drawer on the other side of the room and starts drying herself off. You start reflecting on your little blunder.

Speaking of little things, you focus on Elie rubbing the towel on her head.

You it it looks pretty cute, but now that you recall you have some pressing matters to attend to.

Like pressing your dick against her instead of that towel.

But later.

"So, what's going on? What happened to me yesterday?" You pop the question.

Elie moves towards her bed, towel in hand. "Let me ask you this in instead: have you tried playing osu ever since then?"

"Huh? No, why?"

"You'll probably know why if you give it a shot." Saying this, Elie points at her laptop on the work desk.

You walk over to the dark wood desk, adjust the seat for your height, and open the laptop. The 's already logged in, and you spot the osu icon immediately. You grab the pen tablet on the desk and click on the game icon.


"Wow, I didn't think you could fail an easy map."

"Dammit, let me try again!"

Five minutes have ed and you can't even the tutorial. You are literally worse than bad. Your fingers are stiff and slow, you have dead cat-like reflexes, and you can swear you feel like every song's rhythm is crooked at every twelfth beat.

"Okay, that's enough"

"But—"

"Shirou, it's not exactly your fault."

"What?"

"The people that attacked you, they stole your skill."

"What?"

"They don't have a name, but it's still your fault for being retarded."

"What?" You stop listening to ClariS's bullshit for a second and take off your headphones.

"Godammit."
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